#839 - In the State of Sleepiness

I am not really in the mood of writing bilingual right now. You might be able to guess the reason(s) why if you have all the time (to kill) to read through this whole entry.

According to my computer, it is now 3.16 AM in the morning when I start writing this entry. Well, because I currently have no obligation to turn my alarm on to get me up later on this morning, I end up sitting in front of my computer and just had a spontaneous idea a few minutes ago to write this up :-)

Well, I have just been reminiscing my last trip to China and as I concerned at the end of that entry, there were several side-stories which I did not write there. *Damnit, I only planned to write one single entry about my trip to China and now I (might) end up with at least two of them*. Because on one side I am already sleepy, I will keep this for later. Haha, gotcha!!

Anyway, so basically, at this very time next week, I will have already been in another continent, in the other part of the world, probably wandering around in my (new) apartment settling stuffs. Just a few days ago, I felt a bit petrified of this idea. It will be a huge step for me to make. I am leaving this nice tropical country to a country with four seasons a year. I am leaving this country for a pretty long period of time. I am leaving this community to get into a new community which is in contrast difference. I am getting OUT of the box. Well, this term doesn't really illustrate the feeling I had (and might still have though). This might work better :

"I am getting out the box which is wrapping the box which contains my box!!"

and the actual process is in less than one week per now. Well, to much dramatic as it might sound right now (probably it is the effect of being half-sleepy right now) and it is up to you if you want to say that I just dramatically exaggerating things, but in my mind it is a huge deal :-) Getting out of the box is never an easy step to make. I have known it better myself. But I know for sure that once I do it, I will be just fine. Sure it will require some time for me to finally settle in but my experience told me I will (also) nail this one. I can say now that I am no newbie to this process. I stepped on the exact similar path four years ago when I moved to Bandung. The difference is this time it is in a different new league, I am going for the bigger fish. My four years of experience in Bandung should have prepared me well for it. I know it seems big and intimidating at times, but what the hell, I know I can do this!

On the other side, now I am filled with all the joy and excitement. The excitement of moving to a new and completely-different-basically-in-every-aspect place, meeting new people from much more diverse background (this experience is limited if I only stay in Indonesia, at least based on my experience in Bandung), moving to a much more developed country, and all other uncountable excitement!! I wonder how I will deal with all of those and how I will adapt myself. Well, I am currently not saying about how or what I will study once I am there. Sure it is important and that will be my main agenda and activity once I am there, no question, period. But I am now speaking about the bigger thing, the bigger picture, the idea of moving more than 10,000 km away from my geographical comfort zone. That is all so exciting!!

In some ways, I want things to stay the way they are. You know, my staying at home, helping my parents with all the business (maybe I will write something about this in the future, just maybe. I have quite a workload on this one these past few months), chatting and hanging out with friends, basically having so much fun. In some other ways, I can't wait for the new era of my life to begin (yeah, I think the word 'era' is more illustrative here as it seems 'bigger' than just 'chapter'). Which one do I prefer? The former one means that I will stay in my comfort zone, in my big-comfortable-nice-friendly-tropical box while the latter means that I will leave all that for something completely new for me. Again, which one do I choose? No-brainer, the latter. Beside the fact that I would be a complete idiot if I decided to pick the former NOW (because (almost) everything has been set up), I guess I am quite in for a challenge here. My experience has taught me best that picking the latter will be a bold yet smart decision to make for me.

Well, I think I have already mentioned that last sentence earlier in this entry. Haven't I? Or have I? Whichever it is, the thing I know for sure is that it means I need to get a good sleep now. The clock is now 3.54 AM and I can't believe it took me 38 minutes just to write this weird and unplanned entry about my random thought which I think is likely to come up because of sleepiness in my head.

Okay, that is it for now.